omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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