I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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