Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
