I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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