dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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