worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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