we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
