We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
