My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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