he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
