We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
