you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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