420 ftw
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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