Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize