i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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