The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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