I didn't shave. On purpose
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
