My nipple is on Facebook.
now i know why i became what i already was.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
