Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
