Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
