We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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