Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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