he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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