um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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