My liver just broke up with me...
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
