The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
