I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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