She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize