You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
