wat bout pragnant strippers??
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
