you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
