i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
