Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
