I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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