the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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