And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
