My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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