yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
