I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were destined to go to rehab together
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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