I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
