I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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