shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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