you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
