This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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