Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
