is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
