can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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