Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
