i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
