Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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