tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
