After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
