I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
