i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
