I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
