Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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