i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
