i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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