eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I need to stop coming to work sober
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
