How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
