At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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