She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
