At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
