he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
