I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
