He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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