I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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