he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
